Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Hope Deferred

As I sat in my daugther's room this morning, I was overcome with emotions.  If I'm being honest, I was overcome with emotions throughout the night.  It amazes me that I will be meeting my baby girl in less than 24 hours.  There really are no words...

You see, I have always wanted to be a mama...hoped to be a mama.   I have always adored children.  I remember helping my mama keep the nursery at church when I was little.  And I started babysitting when I was like thirteen.  And then I taught Sunday School my junior and senior year in high school.  And then I went to Clemson and majored in Early Childhood Education.  And then I got a job at a daycare during college.  And then I have taught the Toddler Sunday School class at my church for the past two years...and loved on every baby within arms reach every chance I got.  You get the picture...I adore children. 

When my niece, Sullivan, was born, my heart overflowed with love for this tiny baby girl.  I blubbered the morning she was born...picture ugly cry here folks.  I flew in from Clemson on two wheels the night before she was born because I wasn't going to miss a single moment of her birthday.  And I left two days later with an ache in my heart.  You see, I loved that little girl like I had never loved a child in my entire life.  Fast forward almost three years and another sweet baby girl entered my life and my heart overflowed again with love.  Just when I thought that I couldn't love another child more, my heart compensated for the addition and Skylar Grace took up residence in my heart.  And this process continued with every child I have come to niece Camryn, my nephew Carson (who quickly became "my boyfriend" the first night me met when he was just 2 years old), my sweet Claire, and all my friends children who I adore kissing on and squeezing tight. 

And then there is my step-son, Victor.  Tory was cautious about me meeting Victor for the first time because we both didn't want to involve Victor in our relationship unless we knew it was going to be serious and lasting.  I met Victor for the first time in August 2005.  Tory and I had been dating for five months and I was pretty sure that I was going to stand by this man through thick and thin.  And that is exactly what has happened in the past six years.  I immediately feel in love with Victor.  He was the smartest, cutest, funniest two year old I had ever met.  He carried on a conversation like a grown boy.  And we shared a common interest....we both loved ice cream!  For six years, I have loved this boy like a mama.  I rejoice in his accomplishments and look forward to our time together.  My gracious...I'm tearing up just thinking about Victor.  He captured my heart back in 2005 and my life has never been the same.

And then there is my daughter, Harper, whom I will meet face to face tomorrow for the first time.  We have had the chance to bond over the past nine months, but heart gets bigger and bigger every minute that inches closer to her arrival.  It feels as if my heart is going to burst out of my chest.  I fell in love with this child when I found out we were expecting on September 15, 2010.  And that love has grown with each month, week and day...and from what I understand, tomorrow it will grow exponentially. Only God would allow a person's heart to continue to grow and make room for each person that they love.  But then again, God is love. 

God is love.  And He has been preparing me all these years to love my own child like He loves me.  He has blessed my life with so many special children...all in preparation for the love that I will feel tomorrow when I meet Harper.  God is love. 

How appropriate that my devotion this morning was from Proverbs 13:12---"A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life."  Tomorrow morning my longing will be fulfilled.  Tomorrow morning my hope comes true.  Tomorrow morning my life changes.  Tomorrow morning my heart will grow bigger.

1 comment:

  1. You are ALREADY an awesome mom!!!! Can't wait for tomorrow and all the years ahead!!!!