Friday, August 5, 2011

finding the silver lining...

I haven't had a lot to say this week.  I've struggled with resentment, anger and jealousy...BIG TIME!

Here's why...I went back to work on Wednesday...

And Satan has tried to rob me of my joy. Satan wants me to be jealous of my friends who are stay-at-home moms. He wants me to be angry at the fact that we can't afford for me to stay home with Sweet Petite.  He wants me to resent everything and everyone...my friendships, my marriage, my family.

But allow me to tell you how AWESOME God is...

On Tuesday, my heart was reeling over leaving my baby girl, whom I've spent every moment of every day with for the past 10 weeks.  I wanted to lock the doors, close the blinds and have her all to myself for as long as possible.  But the Holy Spirit knew what I really needed...my family and my friends...We had LOTS of company on Tuesday afternoon and evening--all to see Sweet Petite, of course...parents become chopped liver once a baby joins the brood---but nonetheless I felt covered in love.  Love from family.  Love from friends.  But most importantly, love from my Father.  Because of that I was able to handle Wednesday better than I thought.  Of course, I cried when I pulled out of my parents' driveway and drove away from my baby girl--for what felt like an eternity--but as the tears fell, I prayed.  I prayed to get through the day with dignity and grace and not to cry at work.  And in my heart I heard, Philippians 4:13.  So by the power of the Holy Spirit and His strength, I graced the doors of the office with a smile on my face.

And then the really cool thing happened...

God reminded me how much I love my job and the people that I work with.  Of course, I always knew that, but you know how the Evil One likes to play tricks on you...so for a brief moment, I forgot.  God also reminded me that He had called me to this position.

Now, in case you are wondering..YES!  I barrelled out the door at 5.  ON.THE.DOT.  And rushed to get my sweet girl.  I'm surprised I didn't get a speeding ticket!  And you know what?  Sweet Petite wasn't walking or talking, she wasn't the size of a toddler, and she most certainly did not have her driver's license.  I jest, but seriously, these thoughts went through my head earlier in the week.  I'm pretty sure she didn't know that mommy had left her all day.  All of her needs were met and she was loved and cared for all day long.

God chose to reveal most of this to me just now in my devotion.  Romans 5:2-5 says, "Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.  We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope in salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment.  For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

My "problem"  or "trial" of going back to work is not a problem at all.  You see, this week I joined an entire army of moms who raise healthy, happy children while working 40+ hours Monday-Friday.  My mama, my sister, my mother-in-law, a few friends, and my co-workers...every one them are members of this army.  As I stand with these women, I pray that I can learn the art of balancing work life and family life.  I pray I will gain strength from these women.  Strength to endure the hours spent away from our children.   I pray that Sweet Petite will see a work ethic in me that she yearns to mimic.  I pray my new role as a working mom will strengthen my character and that through the Holy Spirit I will be able to spread a little Light in my workplace.  I pray that I can do my job in the office and my job at home in a manner that brings glory to the Kingdom of God. 

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