twenty twenty...

They say hindsight is twenty twenty.

I suppose that is true.  

I never could have imagined the view from here before I was a mama.  Looking back, I thought I knew how much I would love my child.  But nothing prepared me for this.

This much love.  This much joy.  This much blessing.

To be a mama is to have your heart walking around outside your chest.  In the form of a tiny little person.  Every laugh.  Every smile.  Every tear.  You feel it as deep as if they were your own.  And they are.

Twenty months into this journey and I'm still learning the terrain.  Still searching for a map.  Still waiting for my vision to clear.  

Harper, you are a vibrant, jubilant, adventurous, funny little girl.  Little girl.  Not a baby.  Yet, always my baby.  You are twenty months old. {Yes, as in four months until your next birthday.  FOUR months?!!}

You are talking our ears off.  Literally.  Even in your sleep.  We have always been amazed by your vocabulary, but it seems your chattiness impresses others, too.  You talk to everyone you meet.  And I mean, everyone.  I love our conversations on the way home in the afternoons.  You like to tell me about your day and your friends.  Papa asked you this week who your friends were and you replied rather proudly, 'Airy bahee, Papa!'  {Read:  Everybody, Papa!}

You can count to 10.  You completely surprised us with this accomplishment.  Just the other week while we were on the way home from picking up Bubby, you counted to 10 from the backseat and clapped.  Which caused the three of us to whoop and holler!  We are your biggest fans!  If I'd a pom-pom, I would have done a little cheer!

You are wearing mostly 2T clothes, a size 5 shoe and 2T-3T pull-ups.

You are paci-free as of December 26th.  It disappeared in the wrapping paper.  You asked for it for a few nights, but haven't mentioned it in a couple of weeks.  For the record, it was a lot easier than I anticipated.  I figured you'd take it to college.  I was wrong.

You are very independent.  You like to brush your teeth, comb your hair and attempt to put on your socks all by yourself.  You will say things like, 'Harper do it byself'  or 'No help Mama.  I do it.'  You do a great job brushing your teeth.  Your hair is an entirely different story. It tends to be a hot mess when you're through with it.  Hot mess!  And your socks.  I just giggle.  You get so frustrated and then say, 'You do it, Mama.'  Patience is a virtue, my child.  {At least, that's what Gigi always tried to tell me!}

JuJu {Aunt Julie for those of you who don't know} taught you three things over the holidays.  And now, randomly, when the mood strikes, you will shout 'Holla!'  or 'What What'.  It took me by surprise at first.  But now I just shake my head.  She also taught you to 'drop it like it's hot.'  It's cute.  For now.  But after you turn, say 5, it will no longer be cute.  Just sayin'.  JuJu, she's a regular Teacher-of-the-Year, in more ways than one!  :)

You love to color.  On everything from coloring books to scrap paper to the walls or kitchen table.  We have had long chats {some would call these scoldings} about the appropriate places to color.  I'm not quite sure you understand.  Based on the evidence I found as I was cleaning house today, I'd say we have a few more chats in our future.  You have learned some of your colors.  It seems 'puh-pel' or 'el-o' are your favorites right now.  

You are most definitely a Daddy's girl.  You tend to say, 'I get Daddy' about 1,267,896 times a day.  But I'm not counting.  Really. I'm not.

You love school and church.  You can tell me your friends' names.  And you ask to go to 'urch' almost every day.  It makes my heart smile.  I have purposed myself to teach you about Jesus.  We say His name everyday.  In our prayers.  On the way to school.  When I ask you, 'Harper, who loves you most?', you say, 'Jesus.'  Over the holidays, I pointed out a lighted Cross in Gigi and Papa's neighborhood.  I told you that Jesus saved us when He went to the Cross.  These neighbors have left the cross up.  And just last night, on the way home, you said quietly from the backseat, 'Jesus save me' as we passed the house with the Cross.  Take one guess what I did.  Yep!  I cried. {You're shocked, I know!}  I want you to know {and believe} this Truth to the core of your spirit.  I pray without ceasing that the Holy Spirit will begin to tug at your heart.  I pray that you will grow bold to what He has called you to do for the Kingdom.  I pray you will use your gift of gab to share Him with others.  This year, I have chosen Psalm 51:10 to pray over you.  I want you to have a pure heart and strong spirit.  Ones that are focused on Heaven.  

Hindsight is twenty twenty. 

I can see clearly now. I never could have imagined how much I would love you.  And just when I think my heart could burst if I tried to love you more, the sun peeks through the window and I steal a glimpse of your sweet face.  It is then it happens.  My heart grows exponentially larger.  With every beat and pulse, I make room for more.  More joy.  More love.  More giggles.  More tears.  More accomplishments.  More disappointments.  More you.  

Happy twenty twenty!  Twenty months on this twentieth day!  

Twenty twenty, my angel.  

Always make time to glance back over your shoulder so you can see clearly the plan He has for you is way better than anything you envisioned.  Way better.  And then, look forward and keep moving.  Because every step forward, every mile traveled opens your eyes just a little wider.  Eyes wide open to His grace.  His mercy.  His plan.

You are loved and adored and cherished!  You are special and smart and beautiful!  You are you--the you that He created you to be.  And we couldn't be more thankful!  

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 

1 Corinthians 13:12