I haven't come here in a while.
Truth is, I haven't had much to say.
Words can be impossible to catch when life keeps throwing curve balls.
And with each curve ball, I found myself withdrawing more and more.
One would think that during the most confusing of times they would find themselves clinging tighter to Jesus.
That would not be true for me.
In fact, it seems I have loosened my grip of Him for the past couple of months.
It's not a secret.
He already knows.
Seems the only one who wasn't aware was yours truly.
This year was met with so much disappointment and heartache. It seems as if the hits just kept on coming. And with each devastating blow, I retreated further behind a facade of faith and assurance.
With my lips, I would proclaim His promises. But with my heart, I doubted His goodness and wallowed in my weariness.
I scrolled my newsfeed and longed for the perfection I saw in the posted pictures. I questioned why things seem to come so easily for others and why everything seems to be an uphill struggle for my family.
For the past couple of weeks, He and I have spent copious amounts of time talking.
He has gently reminded me that He is constant. He is immovable and unrelenting in His pursuit of me.
Like the understanding Father He is, He reminds me over and over again that it is okay to not understand the path we are on. That is perfectly acceptable to be upset with how things have gone. But He only gives good gifts and He wants the absolute best for our family.
So, we are ending this year and leaving it in the past. We are believing His promises for our family in 2018. Fully and firmly.
Things may not go as we plan. And we may sense His peace over our decisions only to have them unravel right before our eyes. But we will continue to trust and love Him.
This year, I want to practice presence over perfect. I long to be in His presence. Bind my wandering heart, Lord. Take and seal it.