Saturday, January 26, 2019

to those who support New York's latest law...

I was 23 years old when I drove her to the clinic.

Naive.  Two feet deep in the world. 
But my friend had made her decision and she needed me to love her.

I sat in the quiet waiting room and flipped through magazines.
I did not make eye contact with anyone.
And when she was done, I drove her all the way home.
I made sure she was settled and left.
She wanted to rest and be alone.

Those are the only details I remember about that day.
I know we never spoke of it.

But after 16 years, I reflect back and realize all the ways I failed her.

I do not dare imagine how she was feeling.
Or what led her to make the decision she did. 
I do not dare imagine how she still feels about that decision.

I can tell you I have grown a lot in the years since that day.
My walk with Jesus has transformed the way I see the world.

After trying for so many years to have another baby and suffering a miscarriage, I can tell you this.
When we found out we were expecting my son, we had an ultrasound.
I was five weeks and 4 days pregnant.
In other words, my monthly visitor was only one week late from her arrival.
But what we saw on the screen was undeniable.
At only five weeks, 4 days pregnant, his heart was beating inside of me.
And I remember sobbing on that exam table.
Sobbing for the loss of the baby we did not get to meet.
And hurting for all the babies who were loss or discarded.
I can not fathom how anyone does not understand that life begins at conception.
Another beating heart inside of a mother's womb. 
A child that deserves a chance at life in this world.

I get it.
Motherhood is a scary place.
And not every woman is cut out for it.
But somewhere in this world, there is a woman who is praying and hoping and crying with every fiber of her being that her arms will someday hold a baby of her own.
They are the ones who will gladly meet you at the hospital and give your baby a forever home.
They are the ones who will go to all the doctor appointments with you.
They will hold your hand as you push life into this world.
And they will hug you tightly and whisper thank you.
Their very own hearts would be filled with gratitude to you.
For your courageous decision to give life.

I understand this may not have been your decision.
To get pregnant.
Perhaps it was an accident.
Or a mistake.
Or a tragic consequence to some horrendous act that happened to you.
My heart aches for you.

The ways of this world are evil.

By the time you discover you are expecting, there is another life already beating within you.
That tiny heart beating inside of your womb is innocent.
Completely innocent.
And knit together so perfectly.
The intricate details with which we are all formed begs us to acknowledge the Creator.
The very One who creates us all in His perfect image.

Each tiny heartbeat deserves a chance in this world.
Because each one was designed on purpose for a purpose.
The Creator makes no mistakes. 
Not one.

I cannot imagine the decisions you are faced with during an unexpected pregnancy.
I do not dare guess the emotions that consume you.
Nor do I judge your decisions.
We are all faced with seemingly impossible decisions.

Decisions that have the ability to change the entire course of our lives.
Decisions that will haunt us.
Decisions that will follow us.
Decisions that will grow us.

I decided to drive my friend to that clinic all those years ago.
That would not be my decision today.
But I still love her.
And I admire all the ways she has succeeded and grown.

We do not have to agree with the decisions of others.
In fact, we rarely will.
Especially when their decisions are so far different from ours.

Decisions are tough.
But choosing life is brave.

Fiercely brave. 

And we need more brave warriors in this world. 
Who knows, that tiny heartbeat could just be the warrior we all need.

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