Wednesday, May 23, 2012

the waves of conviction

I haven't had a lot to say lately.  My head has been swimming with thoughts, but nothing that I could piece together in a coherent thought. 

I have been overcome with anxiety and worry and doubt.  For no apparent reason.  There is nothing going on in my life to warrant such anxiety.  Just your everyday, run of the mill, stuff.  But yet, I have felt as if I was being overtaken by the downpour of life.

Sunday, I splashed a little in the puddles of conviction.

Monday, I felt as if I was drowning in the waves of my conviction.

The dots were connected and it all made sense.

I was preparing for Bible study on Monday night and realized that I was a lot like Peter. 

You know, the same Peter that Jesus called to step out of the boat and walk on water.  Yes, that Peter.  I was the Peter who took my eyes off of Jesus and started drowning in the waves of life. 

For the past three weeks, I have neglected my quiet time in the Word because of life.  You know, the busyness of raising a baby, working full time, maintaining a household.  And because of that neglect, life overtook me.  I took my eyes off of Jesus and started worrying about every little thing. 

Don't get me wrong, I still talked to Him everyday.  And I still knew He was there.  But I just felt distant from Him. 

Yesterday, I set out to get back in the routine of my time in the Word.  I spent a glorious hour in Leviticus and Luke.  An hour of uninterrupted time in the Word.  An hour of allowing His Truth to wash over me.

And you know what?  That heaviness of heart, that sinking feeling like the bottom was going to fall out, that yucky feeling of dread....wasn't there.  I took a deep breath as I pulled in the parking lot at work.  And for the first time in three weeks I felt as if I could actually catch my breath.

It wasn't until I was sitting at my desk after a meeting yesterday morning that I realized the difference. 

It was Him.  It was His Truth.  It was my conscious decision to spend quality time with Him before I started my day.

Just like Peter, the moment that I called out to Him, He reached out His hand and pulled me to safety.  Pulled me back to Him through my time in His Word. 

And suddenly, I found the words that had been stirring in my heart for almost a month. 

"Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?"
Matthew 14:30 (MSG)

When my gaze is set on Jesus, life just seems easier.  Circumstances don't change, but perspective does. 

Praising Him today for reaching out His hand when I called on Him and forgiving me of my neglect the past three weeks. 

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"
Psalm 91:14-16 (MSG)

Today, we are having a party.  And you're invited, too!  Hope to see you there!

1 comment:

  1. This is a great post, Jessica! So true. I totally understand where you're coming from. I have to do better with this myself!