Wednesday, October 17, 2012

{day 17} the sacrifice and selfishness of motherhood...

We were at that point in our relationship that found us at a crossroads.
He wasn't sure he wanted to get married again.  I knew marriage was in my future.
He wasn't sure he wanted any more children.  I knew I was meant to be a mama.
I gave him time to pray about it and told him we would make a decision about the future of our relationship in six months.  And I kept my promise about not broaching the subject until that time.
We were engaged within three months of that conversation.  And two years later, we were expecting a welcomed addition to our family.
Last night, as I rocked more miles in the green recliner, the sweet hand of my baby girl patted my back.  She was drifting off to dreamland and kept repeating my name.
It was a name I always dreamed of.  A name that I prayed to become.  A name that could not be any sweeter when uttered through the lips of a sleepy toddler. 
I rocked and rocked and rocked.  All the while reflecting on God's faithful promises. 
'Delight yourself in the Lord and
He shall give you the desires of your heart.'
Psalm 37:4 (NKJV)
The desire to be a mother was set in my heart long ago.  And now that He has given me the desire of my heart, I set about my responsibility with a passion and fervor like nothing else I've ever done.
But let's be honest.  Motherhood is sacrificial.
It means you give up going to the bathroom alone.

It means you give up precious sleep to care for a crying baby.
It means you give up your body to create a miracle.
It means your laundry basket is never empty.

But it also means so much more.  Much, much, much more.

It means you experience love like never before.
It means you have the opportunity to teach little hearts about Jesus.
It means you have been given a gift from Heaven.
It means you get sticky kisses and syrup in your hair
{when you can't even stand the thought of syrup}!
It means He gave me the desire of my heart. 
My selfish nature bubbles to the surface more than I care to admit
There are days when I would love to lock the bathroom door and scream.  Or take a hot bath.  Or read a book.  Or sleep late.  There are days when I would love to hop in the car without a care in the world and go somewhere without having to pack a diaper bag.  There are times when I wish my grocery buggy didn't consist of raisins and crackers and jello.  And there are moments when I long for the days when I didn't have to sweep my kitchen floor after every meal.  Or moments when everything was in its place at the end of the day.
But God is faithful.  He gave me the best gift of all when He fulfilled the desire of my heart.
Each day, He teaches me more and more about giving up my selfish desires.  
And each day, I fall deeper and deeper in love.  With my Jesus.  With my daughter.  And with my husband.
May you find yourself taking delight in the Lord this day.  And may you rejoice and praise Him when He graciously gives you the desire of your heart.

I'd love for you to read more on the beauty of transparency...
Day Ten.

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