Monday, October 1, 2012

{day 1} the beauty of transparency


It makes some people run for cover.  Others polish up the outside, but don't dare let you see what lurks beneath. 

And then there are those that dare to open their lives like a book in the hopes that others can learn and grow through their struggles and triumphs.

I dare to be one of those people.  I dare to live a life so transparent that people can't help but see Jesus. 

That is what this next month is all about for me.  Transparency.

I'm not running from it.  I'm not polishing it up in the hopes that the deep, dark places won't see the light of day. 

Instead, as much as possible, I dare to open up my life in the hopes that someone who stumbles across these words find hope and comfort and peace.  In the hopes that see Jesus at work.

So let me start by laying it all on the table.

I don't have it all together.  Shocking, right?  My marriage is not perfect.  My job is not perfect.  I'm not raising my daughter in a perfect manner.   My family is not perfect. 

I'm not perfect.  I'm just a girl who pursues Jesus and longs to walk closer and closer to Him each day. 

And because of that, my marriage is good.  My job is good.  I'm raising my daughter in the Truth.  And my family is good. 

It is all good because Jesus is at work in all of it.

Need an example of my imperfection?  Sure you do.

Imagine, will you, the worst toddler tantrum.  Imagine incessant whining.  Imagine the cutest little girl constantly underfoot while you clean the house.  Imagine the meltdown as you take random objects from her for one reason or another. 

Now imagine, a mother who had dreamed of having a baby for years.  A mother who seeks God as she raises her daughter.  A mother who, while imperfect, leans on the One who is perfect to guide her in her parenting.

Yes, that mother, looked at her 16-month old baby girl and said, 'You are getting on my nerves.'

I shudder just putting that in black and white.  And I can audibly hear you mothers chuckling because you've said the same thing {or worse}.  And I can almost see some of you shaking your heads in disapproval.

Don't worry.  I've shaken my head since I said it.  I've tried to pull the words back in.  I've tried to pretend like I never said it.  And while I know my daughter did not understand the meaning behind what I said.  I have no doubt she felt the tone of voice I used when I spoke those words into existence.  Words that have the power to bring life or death

I want nothing more than to breath life into my daughter's heart.  I want to encourage her with Truth. 

I made a decision in the midst of my raw emotions last Saturday.  I will do my best to speak words of encouragement over my daughter.  Words that have the power to build her up and spur her along.  Words that she can remember with a smile. 

And in the event that I feel my nerves unraveling {and I know they will!}, I will camp on Psalm 19:14. 

After all, I want everything about my life---my words, my thoughts, my actions and my deeds---to be pleasing to Him.

'Don’t use foul or abusive language.
Let everything you say be good and helpful,
so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.'
Ephesians 4:29

What about you?  Have you ever said something and wished desperately that you could rein it back in?

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