{day nineteen} one big ol' hissy fit...

Tantrums.

They aren't just for toddlers, you know?

A tantrum {also known as a tirade or hissy fit}is defined as an emotional outburst, typically associated with children or those in emotional distress.  Stubbornness, crying, screaming, yelling, shrieking, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification all characterize a tantrum.

Ever had one?  Know someone who has?

As I've said before, we are in the full throes of toddler tantrums.  And yesterday, my girl had a doozy of one.

She woke up from her afternoon nap in a mood.  And not the jolly kind.

I was getting ready for a meeting at church.  Daddy was hunting.  And Nana was coming over to stay with my girl.

While I was freshening up in the bathroom, I heard a sweet little voice say, 'Cookie.'

I replied, 'Does my angel want a snack after her nap?'

{Enter dramatic meltdown.}

Kicking, screaming, flailing on the floor, yelling, crying, head spinning.

That last one isn't true, but it sure felt like it at the time.

I calmly stepped over her and walked towards the kitchen.

She followed.  Stomping and screaming the whole time.

Where has my sweet girl gone?  And who is this child who just woke up from a nap?

I proceeded to fix her a cup of milk and pull the animal crackers from the pantry. 

She proceeded to swat at me.  And fall on the floor and wail at the top of her lungs. 

What in the world?  I'm not sure I'm in the right house.  This is not my child.

I took her cup of milk and animal crackers to the couch, where I ignored the fit and pretended to watch outside for Nana.  {I wasn't actually pretending, I was willing her to get there faster so I could escape.}  Harper climbed up on the couch, her face as red as the cushions, and flopped around like a fish, kicking and screaming.  It truly was an Oscar-worthy performance.

Is this seriously happening?  Am I dreaming?  Is Nana ever going to get here?

And then, just like that, the fit ended and she reached for the animal crackers.

Huh?  I'm confused.  I wish we had one of those Nanny-Cams so Tory could have seen this.

The whole time I was in my committee meeting I had this nagging feeling about tantrums.  Not just my daughter's hissy fit, but fits in general. 

As I left my church and journeyed to my parents' church for their revival, I had a pit in my stomach.  I could not shake this feeling I was having surrounding tantrums. 

Had I caused this?  Or was I feeling convicted about something else?

Last night, I cradled my baby girl as she fell asleep.  Watching her breath and praying gentleness into her spirit.  And still feeling the same nagging sensation I'd felt all evening.

It wasn't until we were on our way to the doctor this morning that I felt His still, small voice ask the question I'd been avoiding all along.

Are you any different than her?  Don't you have fits just the same?  All because you aren't getting your way?  Will you ever completely trust that My way is better?

Well, there you go.  A little toe-stomping for this cloudy Monday morning.  But just hearing His voice calmed my soul.  And that pesky nagging feeling disappeared.

I am no different. 

My hissy fits may not look the same as my daughter's, but make no mistake.  I have them all the time.  They just seem to be a little more socially acceptable.  Like griping.  Or venting.  Or getting my point across despite how it comes across.  Or saying things out of anger I'll soon regret.  Or worse, thinking things out of anger that I'll soon regret.  Or seeking revenge.  Or pushing my own agenda.  Or complaining that life isn't fair.  Or road rage.  Or an ugly word. Or impatience in the check-out line.

The list could go on and on.

But they are tantrums, no less. 

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life.

No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 14:6

He is the way.  He hand-crafted the plan for our lives.  He painted the big picture. 

Trust that His way is better.  No matter how unfair or inconvenient it may seem in the moment.  He is working it all out for His glory. 

The more I reflect on this Truth.  The more I stand firm in my faith.  The less I want to have my own way.  The less upset I get over small inconveniences or unfair deals. 

I trust the plan for my life. Because I trust the One who designed the plan.  I offer my thanks for my daughter's tantrum and the lesson He showed me through the tears.

'Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
    for anger resides in the lap of fools.'

Ecclesiastes 7:9

When's the last time you had a hissy fit?