Tuesday, February 19, 2013

{day five} at the foot of the cross I lay down my lists...

As shocking as it may sound, I adore a list.

Grocery list, to-do list, bills list, Christmas card list, upcoming events list.

The list could go on and on.

Something about checking something off of a list leaves me with a sense of accomplishment.  A sense that I rose above the standard.  A sense that I was productive. 

But when life throws a curve ball and I have to run another direction or scurry down rabbit holes or put out fires, my lists get shoved to the side.  And then I'm left with a sense of dread.  A sense of doom.  A sense that I failed. 

As hard as I've tried to break away from the habit of making lists, it is how my brain is wired.  I think more clearly when the tasks that need to be accomplished are written right in front of me.  Perhaps, this is why I suffer from bouts of anxiety.  Because as a full-time working wife and mother, and a woman who is dedicated to serving her church and leading Bible study, the items on the to-do list are endless.  As soon as one gets checked off, three more take the place. 

Today, was a typical day at the office.  I had my day all mapped out yesterday before I left.  But things happen.  Meetings run longer than anticipated.  And the day runs short.  Leaving items unchecked on the list. 

In this moment of I've-got-an-elephant-on-my-chest sensation, I sense the Holy Spirit beckoning me to lay it down.  I feel the words in my spirit as clear as any conversation on this Earth.  He is calling me to lay the worry over my lists at the Cross.  And so I do, not withouth glancing back and wondering how it will all get accomplished.  But in that exact moment of glancing back at what I just laid down, I hear the comforting words of the One who soothes my soul.  He is capable.  And He is asking me to surrender my lists to Him and allow Him to guide my day.  Some tasks will never get accomplished.  Others will interrupt my day.  But as long as I keep my gaze on Him, then my steps will be ordered. 

This doesn't mean that I won't have a list of tasks for tomorrow.  It simply means that worry will not be a part of that list.  It means that I will pray over that list before starting my day and I will heed His direction in the tasks that must be accomplished. 

What do you make lists for?  How can you surrender your day to God and trust that He is more than capable to accomplish what you set out to do?

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