Thursday, February 28, 2013

{day twelve} at the foot of the cross I lay down my travel anxiety...

When you and your other half hop a jet plane for a surprise trip to Alabama and leave your heart behind, all manner of worry barges right in and takes over any hope of rational thought.

Even the most organized mama can lose the ability to think clearly.  Or put one foot in front of the other.

Her bags were packed for any situation that could possibly arise in our two day absence.  A detailed list was made of her preferences and routines.  Her favorite toys and movies tagged along so she had a sense of home.  

She didn't sense a bit of unease over telling me good-bye.  She looked thrilled to have the undivided attention of her Gigi and Papa for two days.  And she anxiously anticipated two more days filled with Nana snuggles.

But this Mama's heart.  It was an entirely different landscape.

A terrain never travelled.  The path not clear.  The fog too thick to see clearly,

I drove away from her, only a mile down the road, but yet it felt like there were light years between us.

This morning, she was the first thing I thought of.  I could hardly wait for a reasonable hour to call and she how her night was away from home.  I thought better of five o'clock.

When I finally her her sweet voice before we boarded the plane, my heart skipped a beat.  The air grew incredibly thin, as if there weren't enough for me to catch my breath.  Much less enough for all the people crowding my space at Gate A7.

I did my best to look like a seasoned traveler.  Like I had presented millions of boarding passes and racked up enough frequent flyer miles to span the globe.  But all the while, I was just a mama who forgot to pack her heart, left quaking in her sparkly flats.

With a click of the seatbelt and glance out over the wing, the emotions washed over me.  And before I allowed them to overtake me, I kept claiming promises over my life.  Over every passengers life.  Over my heart that I left behind.  Over and over and over.  One promise after another.  Until the worry over flying high above the clouds was left on the tarmac.

The what-ifs and the if-this, then-this plans can leave you feeling nothing but ill-prepared.  But clinging to the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 and 2 Timothy 1:7 and Deuteronomy 31:6 leave you with the courage to travel the world, while leaving your heart at home.

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