That shifted to Christmas. But as soon as the ornaments were safely packed away, I changed that goal to her first birthday.
Just as soon as I was enjoying a cupcake at her first birthday, I rearranged the goal for the upcoming holiday season. Seeing as how that has now come and gone, I am aiming for her second birthday.
But here's the thing.
I'm not as focused on the goal as I would have been pre-motherhood. Perhaps because I am learning to embrace my size and His Truth all at the same time. I'm learning everyday there is more to a person than a number on the scale or the tag of the clothes. I'm learning a person's heart and passion for Jesus can far outweigh any societal norms. And I'm learning that the more acceptable a person is of oneself, the more acceptable they are of others. The more a person understands they are a unique, hand-crafted masterpiece of the Creator, the less they focus on the images of this world.
I'm also learning there is a huge difference between dieting and making healthier choices. The better part of the past four months have been focused on healthier choices.
With the exception of yesterday. Yesterday calories did not count.
Calories in airports and among friends hold no weight.
The blueberry muffin that I scarfed down from Cinnabon was no less bigger than the size of my head. I counted it as 150 calories. And we won't even discuss the ridiculously delicious and obnoxiously large lunch we enjoyed after the big birthday surprise. While supper was, in fact, a Weight Watchers recipe, the fact that I wasn't even hungry and managed to make a happy plate means that I was only trying to leave a zero points balance at the end of the day.
I say all of this tongue in cheek.
Today, I lay down the worry of diets and weight and body size. Instead, I focus on the enjoyment of soaking up moments with my best friend and her family. I relish friendship and food and fellowship without the added side of failure. Because at the end of this life, a person's body size will only be judged by how large they lived life. And I want to live this life well, so I can live eternally with Jesus.