Wednesday, March 20, 2013

{day twenty eight} at the foot of the cross I lay down who I was...

I've spent a lot of time hiding from the person I once was.  The girl who enjoyed happy hour a little too much and I'm not referring to the one at Sonic.  The girl who spent way too much time worrying over being in style.  The girl who jumped at the chance to hang out with anyone if it meant I didn't have to be alone.  The girl who could cuss like a sailor because it seemed the cool thing to do.  The girl who followed the trends instead of her heart.  The girl who would go to dinner and eat like a bird because that's what girls did in mixed company, right?!  The girl who pretended to like NASCAR and dogs and hiking {Heaven forbid!} and camping {though that only lasted until the rain started to pour and then I bolted to my car and back to my dorm room}--all to fit in. 

When I turned twenty five, I wasn't really sure who I was.  But I felt something tugging at my heart.  Someone pulling me closer to Truth.

As I slowly began discovering who I was in Christ, I began to figure out who I really was.

I'm the girl who can't stand NASCAR.  I think watching a bunch of cars go 'round and 'round the track is about as entertaining as watching paint dry.

I'm the girl who really does like moments of solitude.  Moments where I can just read a book.  Or get lost in a sappy chic flick.  Moments to soak in a hot bath without a single sound.

I'm the girl who would rather speak words sweet as honey.  Words that encourage.  Words that point to Jesus.  Not words that make me look ridiculous.

I'm the girl who likes to eat.  Ask my husband.  On our first date, I ate an entire appetizer by myself without offering to share.  Then I completed my entree and ordered dessert.  I should have known then there was something different about this guy based on my appetite.  

I'm the girl who really could care less about the trends.  I prefer comfort over fashion any day of the week.  These days I wear clogs to work and the same four pair of pants every week.  And while I still want to look presentable, I care a lot less about being in style.

I'm the girl who surrounds herself with a few good friends.  I no longer feel the need to keep everyone happy.  Nor do I feel like I have to be friends with everyone.  Make no mistake, I think it is very important to be friendly to everyone.  But I don't have to be best friends with everyone I come in contact with.  I've learned the lesson between friend and acquaintance.

And gracious goodness, I'm the girl who doesn't like dogs.  In the least.  And we have a dog, for goodness sake.  Don't get me wrong, I would never let the dog go neglected.  But I don't dog is not this woman's best friend.  

Oh, and I'm the girl who doesn't really care for the outdoors.  Unless it involves some sand, the sun and a lounge chair.  Hiking and camping and all that nonsense does not jive with me.  I'm just a bit too high maintenance for stuff like that.

The old Jessica chased the things of this world.  And she chased them fast and furious.  In heels no doubt.

But the new Jessica chases Jesus.  Just as fast.  

This means that anyone who belongs 
to Christ has become a new person. 
The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
2 Corinthians 5:17

This new life is so much sweeter and more fulfilling than anything I could have imagined.  While there are moments that I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to discover who I am in Christ, I'm thankful for the journey.  It makes me appreciate this life with Jesus even more.  

I no longer worry over who I once was.  I have my eyes fixed on where I'm going.  Not where I've been.  

I no longer worry about conforming to the people around me.  Instead I wake up every morning and commit myself to transforming my mind and setting my eyes on Jesus. 

Don’t change yourselves to be like 
the people of this world, but let God change you 
inside with a new way of thinking. 
Then you will be able to understand and accept 
what God wants for you. You will be able to know
 what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.
Romans 12:2

So, now the tough question.  Who are you?  Have you ever pretended to be someone else in order to fit in with the people around you?  How did you find yourself in the process?

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