Tuesday, September 10, 2013

a bit of grace on a night when i'm beating myself up...

i'm my own worst enemy.  i know it's true.  i always have been.

i beat myself up for not folding the laundry right when it is hot and fresh out the dryer.

i knock myself out for not scouring the tub on a regular basis.  or changing the air filter on the first of the month.  every month.

i can tear my heart up one side and down the other for not cleaning out the fridge.  or for allowing the milk go sour.  or leaving the clean dishes in the dishwasher...because well, it's just easier that way.

i take a mile-long guilt trip when my baby asks me to take her swinging and i make a mental list of all the other tasks that stand between me and the park.

the pile of books on my night stand haunt me each night.  taunting me with their goodness and two-inches of dust.

i slap myself around for not feeling prepared enough to lead a group of women in Bible study on monday nights.  i tear myself down for being ill-equipped and not enough.

i stay up late wondering how in the world i ever wound up co-leading a group of high school girls.  how in the world am i enough to disciple these young women when most of them appear to have it more together than i do. 

it's exhausting.  and debilitating.  and all around awful.  just awful. 

and then i read words like these

words that wash away all the guilt.  all the not-enough.  all the how-in-the-worlds.  all the coulda-shoulda-wouldas. 

my weary soul rejoices.  when the pile of clean laundry is staring me in the face.  and the theme song to doc mcstuffins is on auto-repeat in my head because instead of doing a puzzle or reading or painting with my girl we are plopped in front of the television.  my mama soul desperately needed these grace words to wash the guilt away. 

and in its place, i am left with the gift of enough.  the gift of alright already.  the gift of grace. 

praise the Lord for mamas who encourage one another.  mamas who lift each other up and leave us with the grace of knowing we don't brave this journey alone. 

mamas, you are never alone.  the moment you start beating yourself up for whatever it is that tears you down, remember.  there is a mama at my house who is doing the same.  instead of feeling bad, let's celebrate all the good things we do each day. 

let's celebrate all the kisses we give our babies.  let's celebrate that sweet smelling skin when they are fresh out the tub.  let's snuggle down deep into cool, crisp sheets and relish in our reward from above.

keep mothering, my dear friends.  you were called to this journey because you are the only one who can do it like you do it.  and you do it so well.

and so do i.  so do i.