Wednesday, September 18, 2013

when it all seems too much...

i cried in my car after work today.  for the day had just been too much.

the particulars are not all that important.  there are deadlines upon deadlines.  both at home and at work.  the laundry is reaching epic proportions.  the pesky fridge still needs to be cleaned out.  the dishwasher still needs to be unloaded.  the floor needs to be swept.  the contract needs to be completed.  the calendar still needs to be organized.  and good grief, please do not peer in the windows of my car.  for heavens sake, my car needs to be cleaned out.  and to top it all off, i have just felt icky for the past couple of weeks.  can't seem to put my finger on it. but i haven't been myself.

i just can't seem to stay on top of it all.  and yet the world keeps demanding more, grabbing what little time i have.  more and more gets piled onto my plate.  and before i can get a good forkful to digest, another helping is being served. 

for this is just a season, right? 

so, i cried in my car after work.  a good, shoulder-shaking sob. 

i pulled up at church like any other wednesday.  for supper and fellowship. 

i put the car in park and did my best to cover up the red, splotchy mess of my face.  it was pointless.  a griggs girl can never deny her tears. 

a voice whispered to just text nana and ask her to bring my baby girl home.  it would be easier.  no awkward glances.  no one asking if i was alright. 

i am so glad i ignored that pesky voice. 

i put on the brave face and walked right in.  like i do any other wednesday night.  and not so surprisingly, people asked if i was alright. 

each time someone asked i felt quieter and calmer.  through their kind words, i felt jesus. 

after i got home tonight, i got the sweetest text message from a new friend.  it blessed my soul beyond compare.  and yes, i cried.  tears of joy.  for He placed this woman in my life.  and at just the right moment she sent a message to let me know He was singing over me. 

sometimes it is well-worth the questions and awkward glances.  sometimes it is okay to let others see your splotchy mess.  sometimes we all need to remember we don't have it all together.  not a one of us.  sometimes we all have moments when we cry in the car.

and that's okay.

because He sings with delight over us.  sometimes it comes in the form of a song on the radio.  or a sincere glance and 'are you okay?' from a friend.  or a text message saying 'i just lifted you in prayer.'

what a beautiful song, it is.


1 comment:

  1. I had my moment in my bed on a Sunday afternoon last week. Shoulder shaking, ugly sobs. And Jess... Through my tears, I yelled at God. Out loud. Like, really loudly. I yelled at the Most High and asked Him why He would ask so much of me. And what He washed over me in that moment? It was this... "Yell more. Get it all out. I can take it. And it's what I'm here for." Our Abba Father, our Daddy, He holds us with his Righteous Right Hand when we need to be brave, but He also rocks us when we need to be comforted.