Friday, October 18, 2013

{day 18}::how my daughter healed me

it was a rather cold december morning.  the longer we waited, the more anxious i became.  my impatience got the best of me. 

almost three hours later, and it was confirmed that the color shirt i chose that morning had proven to be perfect.

up until the moment of the ultrasound, i suppose i had been holding out hope for a little girl.  visions of smocked dresses and hairbows danced in my head.  dreams of ballet classes and piggy tails stirred deep in my heart. 

but the moment the sonographer declared, 'it's a girl!', something inside me broke. 

all the ideas of perfection and fashion and popularity started chipping away.  notions of success and outward beauty and 'having it all' fell piece by piece.

in its place, i found Truth.  buried deep beneath all the garbage i had piled so high for so long. 

funny how a baby girl can heal places you didn't even know were broken. 

i don't believe that having a pink and precious miracle was a coincidence.  nor do i believe it was a fifty-fifty shot in the dark.

i whole-heartedly believe that He had a purpose in calling me to motherhood.  i trust that part of His plan was to gift me with a baby girl.  a tiny angel who would be the salve to so many hurts. 

when blue and green met for the first time, there was an unspoken promise spoken from my heart to hers.  a promise to tell her how worthy she is.  a promise to teach her Truth.  a promise to point her to Him. 

each day, the wound that callused my heart for so long, grows more and more tender.  tender to what she teaches me as she grows.  tender to the opportunity to pour Truth over her and wash her in grace.  tender to His divine plan for our lives. 

the girl that forged her own way and chased the world wound up tripping over life and stumbling upon Him.  He graced her with a daughter.  and a passion to reach girls of all ages.  He gave her a voice to speak His truth into the hearts of girls all over.  the same voice that whispers goodness and kindness and gentleness and patience and love into the heart of her daughter. 

sometimes the only way to face your brokenness is stare it directly in the face all bundled up in pink. and whisper promises of Truth over and over again.

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