when you find yourself dodging the meanness...

dressed in 80s garb, they hurled big, round, rubber balls at each other as if their very lives depended on it.

some ducked and dodged. trying their best to avoid contact with those fast, moving bullets.

inevitably you could hear the sting when one made contact with precious skin.

the one hit would take a seat.  

out of the game, but still cheering for those on the same side.

dodge ball.  

never played.  

i'm not a fan of hurling round objects coming near my head.

over a month ago, i stood in our youth assembly building and watched these people hurl balls at each other.

they dodged. and darted.  and laughed.

moments later, the guys went to the youth house.

while i circled up with over thirty girls.

sixty eyes stared directly in the face of a former mean girl.

in high school, i wasn't the nicest girl around.

while i wasn't outwardly mean, i was indifferent to those around me who i felt could not propel me in the direction of popularity.

sometimes indifference is meaner than mean.

here's the thing.

popularity can never be achieved.

the moment you feel you have grasped it, you find yourself trying to cling tightly.

always making sure you are doing the right thing and saying the right thing so everyone will like you.

it is a charade.

and high school was nothing but smoke and mirrors.

an illusion of popularity and parties and having it all together.

but when two or more girls are gathered, meanness is bound to rear it's ugly head. 

for at our very core is a seed of insecurity. 

a lie straight from hell that begs us to stomp on the other girls around us in an effort to make ourselves feel better.

in the end, we only feel worse.

because the Spirit that dwells within us is whispering love to our heart.

telling us to build one another up.

promising us that this is not a competition of women.

 don’t use foul or abusive language. let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.   ~ephesians 4:29

words matter.
the way we treat people and the things we say about them have a lasting effect.

i've said and done things i wish i could redeem.
and i've felt the sting of words and actions from long ago.

meanness leaves scars that last a lifetime.

why are we so quick to cast stones?
are we all just plank-eyed, self-righteous saints who feel we are better than those around us?

there is only One righteous to hurl the first devastating blow.
may His mercy cause the stones to fall from our hands.

i watched as those girls spoke about the meanness they have endured.  and they have inflicted.
i prayed for healing. for a building up of these young women.  for an understanding of who they are in Christ.


because i am just a grateful leper at the foot of the Throne.
rescued from indifference.  redeemed from who i once was.
rejoicing over all He is doing in the lives around me.