Monday, March 16, 2015

from the edge of the park....

make no mistake.
it wasn't easy.
i even second guessed my decision.  several times.
to sit there on the edge of the park and watch you conquer your world.

i saw you biting your lower lip as your strong legs and arms carried you up the ladder to the top of the platform.  
you chose the highest slide and smiled the whole way down.  
until your feet hit the sand.
and you did it all over again.

my heart begged to leap out of my chest as you scaled the pretend rock wall.
and then it nearly burst wide open as you made it to the top and threw your hands in the air.
as if you had just succeeded in climbing the tallest peak in the world.

your eyes scanned the entire park until you caught sight of me.
sitting there on the edge, smiling wide and waving for you to see me.  
our eyes locked and you screamed, 'i did it, mama!'

you bravely attempted to climb back down that same pretend rock wall, but when your tiny foot threatened to lose it's footing, the frightened scream of my name brought me running.
i ditched my phone and keys and rushed to your side.
once you felt safe and secure again, you took off for your next adventure.

as i made my way back to the edge of the park, i thought.
that's exactly how it will always be.
i will never lose sight of you. 
nor will i mistake the call for help.
i will always come to your side. 
to calm your fears and comfort you back to a place of security.

i watched as other parents followed their babies around the park. 
running from one jungle gym to the next.
keeping their hands steady on tiny arms and legs.
which is exactly what i did this time last year.
i was too afraid to see you get hurt.

but when you stand in a place of hurt and heartache, you realize hearts can be mended.
and the only way to soar is to spread your wings and sail to places you never thought you could.

when you asked me to go chase you, i thought nothing sounded more fun.
and so we chased each other and rolled in the grass and giggled and made memories to last a lifetime.
as we sat in the sun, you cradled in my lap, we watched a bright, beautiful kite flying against the spring sky.
in that exact moment, i knew you and i could conquer the world together.

as the bubbles floated up to heaven, each one carrying a whispered prayer, a peace washed over me.  
sometimes that which isn't easy gives birth to something much more beautiful.

yesterday, as hard as it was,  i decided it was time for you to spread those wings and watch you fly.
and the joy that filled my soul was indescribable.  
because you did much more than fly.

you soared.
oh my angel girl, you soared.

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. 
they will soar on wings like eagles;     
they will run and not grow weary,     
they will walk and not be faint.
isaiah 40:31

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