Saturday, October 3, 2015

to the mother of the boy who captured my heart...

{it has been ten weeks since i returned from the trip that changed my world.  for as much as my heart has discerned from my time in honduras, it is still absorbing all that i saw, heard, and felt during the time i was there.  these words are the first of many i hope to share over the next few weeks...}

to the mother of the boy who captured my heart...

when i grabbed his picture from the mission table at church, i had no idea how quickly my heart would fall in love with him.  every morning, his angelic face would stare back at me as i fixed my morning coffee.  i whispered prayers of health and well-being over him.  i asked the Lord to guard His heart and send His legion of angels to protect over your sweet boy.

i tenderly packed a box for him with the love of a mama.  a mama who loves her little one more than i ever imagined possible.  i wonder if you feel the same.  i suppose you do.  after all, the heart of mama is a language that knows no barrier.  

one night, as i was tucking my angel to sleep with her blanket, i tiptoed out the room.  tears filling my eyes.  because i knew deep in my heart, your sweet lamb probably didn't have a blanket to call his own.

the very next day, on the way home from work, i stopped to get one for him.  one he would always know was just his.  

i imagined meeting him.  
and you.  
i envisioned wrapping him up in his blanket and whispering 'te amo' in his precious ear.  

because i do.
i love your boy.
it still amazes me how much i love him.

as the time drew near for me to arrive in your country, my prayers for your boy and you changed.
suddenly, and with little warning, i began asking God to prepare my heart.
i did not know what for.
but He knew the soil of my heart needed tilling.

there were things that needed to be turned over and tossed out.
and others that begged for the bright light of the surface in order to flourish and grow.

on monday, july 20, my heart burst wide open.
for i held your sweet boy in my arms for the first time.
the tears i cried were the same as the ones i cried when my daughter was born.
funny how someone so tiny can fill you up with joy overflowing.
i could not keep my eyes off of him.
nor could i stop kissing his sweet cheeks.

as he opened the box our family packed, i was like a kid on Christmas morning.
giddy and jumpy and all smiles.
dressing our boy in clothes and watching his amazement over a simple pair of shoes still makes me cry.
but perhaps the thing i will carry in my heart forever was the moment he saw our picture and i could tell he made the connection between the woman staring back at him and arms wrapped around him.
it is one of those times that your heart leaps for joy.
and every single time i recall that moment, i can't help but cry.
because i pray he knows how much this mama loves him.

i was surprised to find out that you were no longer at the orphanage.  
questions and concern swarmed my mind.
and then i discovered your boy i love like my own has an older brother.
and so, i squeezed him like no tomorrow and whispered 'te amo' in his little ear.

you can imagine my surprise when i was afforded the opportunity to meet you on wednesday at clinic.
your due date is only two weeks away.
your third son will greet you with all the excitement of your first two.
i haven't stopped praying specifically for you since that moment i wrapped my arms around you.
telling you how beautiful you were and whispering in your ear 'te amo.'
i can still see your gorgeous smile as we stood on the porch of the clinic.
i rubbed your round belly and told you i would continue praying for you and your boys.

i have kept my word.
not a day has passed that i haven't prayed for you and your boys.

for i know that girls your age could never have dreamed of motherhood.
seventeen year old girls should dream of college and careers and the future of marriage and family.
instead, as a baby yourself, at thirteen, you gave birth to your first son.
then another.
and now another is on the way.

i want you to know i admire you.
and the courage you have to do the best for your boys.
leaving emerick and carlos at the orphanage must have been heart-wrenching.
but, i imagine you must have known it was the best thing for them both.

so many people asked me if i planned to bring carlos to the states.
but any mama knows you can't break up a band of brothers.
plus, if it were God's plan for your boys to come here, then i would insist you came too.
because you deserve a fighting chance at life.
to know that you are more than the object of some man's affection.

as much as carlos captured my heart, you have too.
i believe the Lord called me honduras this summer for many reasons.
one of which was to tell you that you are loved.
and so are your boys.
not only by me, but by their Creator.
the One who has fashioned them to do great things for the Kingdom.
the same way He has molded you to make a mark for Him.
i will not cease praying for you, emerick, carlos and your new baby boy. 
until we see each other again, may you know you all are loved by me.
deeply, richly and abundantly.

te amo y sus muchachos.
ahora y para siempre.

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