Monday, August 27, 2012

on the trembling, quaking fear of transition...

Transition.  Change. 

What is about it that scares us?  That makes our insides tremble.

We dig our heels in deep and refuse to move in the direction we are being guided.  We think the path that is well worn and familiar is safe and right and comfortable.

I experienced this today with my daughter. 

Today was transition day at her daycare.  She moved from the Infant Room to the Toddler Room.  As we trotted into the building, instead of turning right like we have done for the past year, I guided her to the left.

And then it happened. 

She pulled her chubby, sweet little hand from mine, dug her heels in deep, refused to budge and emphatically said, 'Uh-Uh!'

'Yes, baby!  You get to go to the big girl room and play with the big girl toys and see your friends.'

Firmly planted in her spot, 'Uh-uh!'

And she attempts to run in the direction of her old classroom.

I gently picked her up, trying my best to calm my shaking nerves and quaking heart, and guide her into unknown territory.  I cheerfully greeted her new teachers and hugged a few of her familiar friends.  I situated her belongings in her new cubby and lovingly kissed her and squeezed her neck.  Maybe a little too tightly. 

And then my heart broke.

She burst into crocodile tears.  And said, 'I go, Mama.'

I quietly left the classroom and did my best to hold my composure until I was safely inside my car.  I cried on the way to my office.  I painted a smile on my face and faced my co-workers with the same bright hello as any other morning.  But on the inside, my heart was breaking.

Transition.  Change.

It scares us.  It can shake us to our core.  The unfamiliar is just a little too unknown for comfort.

On the way home, I had a moment to reflect on the events of the morning.

In my spirit, I heard it loud and clear. 
How often have you dug your heels in deep and refused to go in the direction I was guiding you?
How often have you settled for the comfortable, the known instead of forging a new path?  A path that I have marked for you?
How often have you cried because you feared I had left you?

Transition is part of the journey.  It is part of our testimony.  Transition allows us to grow in our relationship with the Holy Spirit.  It allows us to deepen our walk and strengthen our faith. 

It may take a little while for the path to become clear.  But in order for the path to be clear, we must put one foot in front of the other and follow the One who tread before us.  We must heed to His guiding hand on our shoulder and loosen our grip on the comfortable.  We must let go of what we think is right and trust that His way is better than anything we could imagine. 

Tears may be shed and it may take some time, but we must never forget that He is beside us every step of the way. 

At the end of the day, we will be laughing and running and playing without so much as a thought of the tears from the morning.  Or at least, that is how I found my sweet girl this afternoon.

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you. 
Psalm 32:8

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