for such a time as this...

when the first guy you ever loved falls prey to a disease that slowly robs him of a full life, something inside threatens to break.  you fight it with all the strength you can muster. 

a scared, little girl begs to rise up inside of you. 

the same little girl who remembers the long, overnight stays with family and friends.  the same little girl who remembers hushed tones and the incessant shrill of the telephone once he was home.  the same little girl who was called out of her calculus class and to the principal's office to hear news so devastating that the principal himself pulled her car around to the front of the school.

i suppose that little girls, no matter how old, will always need the first guy they fell in love with.

but one day, in the middle of a hospital waiting room, while watching all the heartache and worry of families agonizing over loved ones, it dawns on you.  perhaps it was never your strength seeing you through the hard times.  perhaps it was a supernatural strength from the One who never sleeps.  the One who watches carefully and affectionately over His flock. 

indeed.

revelation like this only comes from the One who knows.

we've spent many an hour in hospitals.  in waiting rooms with uncomfortable chairs and less than par coffee.  pacing sterile hallways.  and watching the clock wondering if time had actually stood still. 

but just this week, after witnessing so much pain from people sharing the space and pacing the same hallways, my God laid a verse on my heart. 

it has rolled around, loud as the evening thunder.  shaking up the words that threatened to settle without being spoken.

'who knows whether you have come to the kingdom, for such a time as this?'
esther 4:14

who knows? 

He knows.

esther was chosen to be queen to king ahasuerus.  she basically won a contest.  but esther was an unlikely choice.  {aren't we all?!!}  she was a jew.  an orphan.  yet the king chose her as his queen.  when an evil plot to destroy the jews was uncovered, esther boldly agreed to approach the king {without invitation, might i add} and request that he reconsider.  she risked her own life to save the lives of many. 

'who knows whether you have come to the kingdom, for such a time as this?

i am not sure why this man i love so much has had to endure pain and suffering for so long.  i am not sure why the cards are dealt the way they are.  nor do i know why people hold the hands they do. 

but i do know the One who does. 

this week my family had the pleasure of praying for a family that said they didn't have much faith.  they lost their loved one.  our family hugged them.  prayed for them.  whispered encouragement into their ears, praying the whole time it sunk deep into their hearts.

wondering if they would find Truth.  begging they would find Hope.  asking that He be revealed to them in a mighty way. 

who knows whether my family has been called to these waiting rooms and these sterile hallways for such a time as this?  who knows whether our pacing the hallways has been ordained by the One who knows? 

every day we are granted has already been numbered by the One who knows.  our job is to honor Him in those days. 

my family chooses to do that by being a beacon of Light amidst so much darkness. 

the hospital can be a dismal place when one is without Hope. 

we choose to shine that Hope in the darkness of these sterile hallways.  we choose to glorify Him through the pain and suffering of this disease that has robbed our family of much. 

yet, it has given us so much more than we ever could have imagined.

we walk these days with not our own strength.  but His. 

and we boldy choose to share this testimony...the testimony of the first guy i ever loved...with all those we encounter.  because they need the same Hope we have found in the One who called us to this place.

for such a time as this.