Monday, August 5, 2013

where i was lulled into a false sense of perfection...

i discovered something last night.  something i've known. yet something that i felt i had left behind for a week.

as sure as the tide rises and falls, our imperfections follow us. 

i suppose there is something about escaping to the shore for a bit of respite that leads your heart to believe that you failed to pack your mess with you.

i was wrong.

there is a part of me that is inclined towards laziness.  a part that longs to sit and relax.  a part that feels entitled to do it a bit longer on vacation.

but there are things that need tending to.  and people that need care. 

the moment the salt air could be tasted {and coincidentally, the same moment my hair began to look more brillo-paddish}, i forgot. 

i forgot that my life was not perfect.  i forgot that my heart is the home to deep, dark places.  i forgot {again} to allow Him to direct my path.

instead, i believed that life was perfect.  i believed that life was as scenic as the inlet view in my backyard for the week.  the sounds of the waves lulled me to let down my guard and give in to lies.

i sat on the dock for a good while last night.  regrouping. praying.  pleading for answers to why i always return to this place.  a place where my heart is battered and bruised.

i received the answer during my quiet time this morning.

'a man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth;
from the produce of his lips he shall be filed.
death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.'
proverbs 18:20-21
i return to this place because i continue to choose words that lead to death.  i continue to eat rotten fruit.  and i continue to believe lips filled with sour produce.
i was reminded last night that enemy attacks me in the same ways.  each and every time.  his schemes are not unique.  but his timing is always unexpected.  in the moments when i'm least expecting it.  in the moments when i'm led to believe that my life is as near perfect as my vacation spot this week. 
as i listen to the boats heading out to sea and the watch the wake left in their path, i feel the wake in my heart.  the one caused by forgetting.  the one caused by tuning my ear to the words of the enemy, rather that leaning on His good promises.
this morning, i stand guard.  i no longer will allow my heart to be lulled into a false sense of togetherness.  i will choose my words wisely.  words that will allow those around me to taste His good fruit.  

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