i've told this story to several people over the years. i just never told them what happened after the emotional outburst...
three years ago, on a hot, humid labor day afternoon, married for just a year and some change, i did what i had always done on labor day. on any day off from my regular paying job. i tackled housework and yardwork with fervor. and my husband did what he always did on labor day. he headed to the field to hunt some birds. it was a typical labor day in our household.
except, this time was different.
i was raking the front yard like many times before. and then from out of no where, i took the rake and beat the tar out of a pine tree in my yard. the rake broke. the neighbors laughed. it was an emotional outburst of epic proportions.
i called it a day. i retreated indoors.
but here is what happened after...here is what i haven't shared with many others.
i felt called to my knees in our spare bedroom. the man cave. the playroom.
i fell to my knees and poured out my heart to God. as i lay face down on the carpet, i lay it all down at the cross. all my frustrations. all my wants. all my needs.
i picked myself up off the carpet. dried my eyes. and felt lighter. i had just let go of the desire of my heart and laid at the foot of the cross. i walked out of that room carrying nothing but a dish towel. for i had just unloaded all the burdens i had been hauling for so long.
eight days later the emotional outburst made complete sense.
we were pregnant!
now hear me when i say this. i believe the emotional outburst was more than just a surge of hormones. i believe it was a beckoning to the foot of the cross. i believe it happened to bring me to my knees. to a place where i can do nothing but trust the One who carries me.
i was called to my knees and into His arms. in the very room that would become the nursery. the room where i would lay my daughter and pray over her. the room that would hold a piece of my heart for all my days on this earth.
i reflect on that day three years ago as i sip my coffee and pour over Truth this morning.
yesterday, my pastor delivered a message so powerful it pierced my heart.
all those years ago, when i was attacking that great pine tree in my front yard, i was being shaped to do the good work He prepared for me.
He, who not only formed me in my mama's womb, was also forming my sweet girl in my womb at the exact moment He was beckoning me to my knees.
i was created to be a mama. by the One who knew me before i was even formed.
but all the mamas know. this is hard work. work not to be taken lightly. or for granted. it is work that is never-ending. for we are molding the lives of the ones who follow behind us. and they learn through our example.
i find comfort and strength knowing that i was created for this. and He that prepared me for this very thing also gave me the One to guide me.
on the hard, unending days of laundry and whining and goldfish. and sacrificing and pushing and pulling. and wiping noses and bottoms and countertops. and washing dishes and sippy cups and syrup out of hair. and packing school bags and lunches and memories into storage boxes. and the stumbling across the hall in the wee hours of the night at just the sound of your name.
on those days and so many more, we have been given a measure of faith to endure.
i mess this work up a whole lot. more than i care to even count. but i lean on Him who prepared this work for me. good work. Kingdom work. i trust that He has given me the exact measure of grace for the work He has prepared for me.
and so, i push up my sleeves and i set to work. for work that moves the Kingdom forward is far greater than any job i could imagine.