Tuesday, June 17, 2014

when mama needs a time out...

all that stood between them was the width of the white bedroom door.

the past few days have been overflowing with adamant defiance mixed with a giant need for big girl independence.  just that very morning, this mama had no words to pray over the situation.  instead, she just kept calling His precious name.  knowing full well that His Spirit makes intercession for her in the midst of her groaning heart.

obnoxious shrills and violent stomps coupled with tiny kicks and slaps sent her straight to time out.
because sometimes a mama's heart needs a time out, too.

when she refused to stay in time out, mama closed her bedroom door and locked it.
her knees hit the ground as her tears soaked the carpet.
sobs wracked her body and prayers fell soft into the space that separated her and the girl that held her heart.

she could hear her screaming.  begging her mama not to leave her alone.  
and she felt her heart splinter into a gazillion pieces.  right there on the beige carpet of the master bedroom.
it felt like hours before her shaky hand unlocked the door and turned the knob.

her whole world came rushing into her arms with a force she did not expect.
as tiny arms wrapped tight around her neck, salt water mixed with kisses.
they rocked for what felt like an eternity in the middle of the floor. 
that mama hummed Jesus loves me into her ear.  soft and sweet.
and she kept kissing those tiny, wet cheeks.
telling her over and over and over again how much she loved her.

learning to lean into His grace and not fall prey to the temptation of toddler tantrums is proving hard than she thought.
the days can be longer.  and the whining deafening.

she imagines what He must feel like parenting her all these years.
for her defiance and tantrums have been no less dramatic than the ones she is walking through with her own daughter.

and yet, she knows His arms are always open.
ready to gently rock her and whisper His love directly to her heart.   

she knows because as she was rocking her own sweet lamb there on the beige carpet of the master bedroom, she felt His everlasting arms of love wrapped tight around her.  
she heard Him whisper Jesus loves you.

so with a renewed strength, she and her tiny heart stand up and start fresh.
forgetting what is behind, hand in hand they face each day together.
because this mama knows His grace meets her moment by moment.

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