Wednesday, June 4, 2014

the year i gave my birthday away...

about this time of year, a selfish, childish brat rises up inside me.
a brat who all but demands the world stop and revolve around her.
like she should be treated like the most important person on the earth, for at least this one day.

the problem with this mind-set is you always wind up disappointed.

when you set your expectations too high, people can do nothing but fail you.
the gifts are never enough.  the cake never tastes as sweet. and the well wishes fall on deaf ears.

ask me how i know.

it isn't easy to admit that i have spent too many years feeling this way.
and i always find myself choking on disappointment and disgust.

i wanted this year to be different.
no, i desperately needed this year to be different.

i chose to step down from my imaginary throne of my not-real kingdom.
in stepping down, i have knelt low and looked up.

i've always thought 35 was the ideal adult age.
don't ask.  because i have no idea why.
so, as that 'perfect' age approached, i prayerfully considered what i could do to make it special.

to make it count.

maybe you've followed along each day.  
maybe not.

'for from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.'  ~john 1:16

but in essence, i wanted to give this year away. 
i wanted to pour out the blessings on others.
so that i wasn't selfishly expecting others to pour out blessings on me.
something funny happened.
my heart was abundantly blessed beyond measure.

for Jesus came to serve, not be served. 
i seek to do the same.

for Jesus freely gives grace when i do nothing to deserve it.
i seek to give the same.

this year, the year i gave my birthday away, has by far been the best ever.
i'd like to make this the way i celebrate my birthday each year.

but make no mistake, this has absolutely nothing to do with me and good deeds.
this has everything to do with Jesus and the great work He has done {and continues to do} in me.
for without Him, i would still be ruling over my kingdom.
lost. alone. and disappointed.

'oddly, the most freeing thing we can ever do is to abdicate the throne of our own miniature kingdoms.'  ~beth moore

He has made all the difference.
because of Him, i can celebrate this year.
with joy and grace.

#givegrace2014 #35gracegiftsto35

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